Social
customs and manners
The British consider politeness
to be very important. For instance, it would be rude to ask for or
receive anything anywhere (including a ticket office or shop) without saying
'please' and 'thank you' It would also be considered rude to bump into
someone accidentally without saying 'sorry', or to push past without saying
'excuse me'. Politeness also demands that you queue in an orderly
line when waiting to be served in a shop/bank/restaurant etc. or when waiting
for a bus. Any attempt to jump the queue will invite criticism or
hostility from the other people waiting.
The British understanding
of politeness does not require elaborate greetings or preliminaries to
the main subject you wish to talk about. In fact, doing this can
be seen as a waste of time and may irritate the person you are talking/writing
to. Make a brief, polite introduction and then say what you want.
This advice applies even more to examinations, both verbal and written,
where a failure to answer a question or deal with a subject directly may
be interpreted as a lack of precise knowledge.
In the interests of politeness
British people often make formal remarks that they do not mean literally,
and it would be a mistake to interpret them literally. If, after
a brief meeting, a stranger says to you 'you must come and have dinner
some time', this is only to be interpreted as some vague intention on the
spur of the moment, an expression of their having found you pleasant and/or
interesting to talk to. If they really want you to come they will
invite you for a particular day and time. Beware: mis-reading coded
politeness can cause acute embarrassment!
By and large British people
avoid physical contact with strangers beyond a handshake on their first
meeting - embracing, kissing, holding hands/arms etc. are reserved in the
UK for situations of familiarity or sexual intimacy. British people
also like to keep a minimum physical distance apart from each other when
holding a conversation. Observe how they behave and try to do the
same - if you get too close you can cause embarrassment or discomfort.
If you are introduced to a stranger, 'Pleased to meet you' is the usual
courtesy; 'Nice meeting you' can also be said on parting.
It is usual in Britain to
give advance notice of your intention to visit people (phone first!), though
amongst young people this is not so strictly observed. If you are
invited to visit or stay with a British family it is important to say whether
you can accept (especially if the letters RSVP appear on the invitation)
and then to be punctual. If you are going to be late you should let
your host know in advance. It is customary to take a small gift as
a sign of appreciation, e.g. some flowers or chocolates. If you have
stayed for several days as a guest then it is usual to give a small present
either when you arrive or are about to leave.
Usually you will get to know
people on first name terms quite quickly - if in doubt, continue to use
the surname (family name), with the title Mr, Mrs, Miss, Ms, Dr, Professor.
Older people or those with whom you have a more formal relationship may
prefer you to use surnames. Be warned that when somebody such as
a lecturer or supervisor asks you to address them by their first name,
this does not necessarily indicate that they are treating you as a friend.
Strangers to the UK are sometimes puzzled or hurt to find that they are
treated formally as a client or student by the same person who insists
on the use of first names - informality has itself become a formality!
This is not unusual and not directed at you personally.
While politeness is highly
prized, flattery is not. British academics do not expect their opinions
to be accepted without question and will respect students who put forward
their own point of view in a polite, reasoned way. Beware in particular
of using exactly the same words as your teachers or source books in essays,
exams, etc. - this may be taken as evidence that you have not properly
understood, or even of plagiarism.
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